Before You Say "I DO"

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

Before You Say “I DO”

March 28, 2012

 Spring fever is spreading like contagion across many parts of the country. As the weather breaks, signs are everywhere that life is beginning anew. You can see flowers blooming, hear birds chirping outside of your window in the morning, and the joggers are out trying to get into get back into shape and shed those winter pounds.

Spring is also the season for the wedding plans and weddings planned. The bridal shops are all a buzz as months and months of planning come down to final fittings and last minute alterations, much to the chagrin of many of bridesmaid, you do indeed have to wear that hideous dress in front of hundreds of people.

Regardless of whether the signs of spring are apparent to you, the calendar is still true and spring is coming.  This note is not intended for impending brides or impended upon grooms but rather for anyone and everyone seeking to live a better life, a more purposeful life and a happier life.

In our American society the (traditional) vows spoken at marriage ceremonies go something like this

“I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” (Traditional Wedding Vows 1)

That version is closely followed by this other popular rendition

“I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” (Traditional Wedding Vows 2)

While millions of little girls dream of the day they can stand in their flowing wedding gown, all eyes adorned upon them as the love of their life pledges unending and undying commitment and love to her and as millions of young men growing into maturity begin to contemplate the desire for life long partnership and commitment with a lover who will always be faithful and true, seldom does either give thought to their first and most important marriage. All too often the first marriage, which is IGNORED, NEGLECTED or NEVER HELD is the one that will lay the ground work and foundation for the life they wish to share with someone else.

The first marriage I’m alluding to is the marriage that all happy, well adjusted, balanced people have with themselves.  Now before  you let your mind race to 1990’s images of former NBA star Dennis Rodman’s publicity stunt marriage to himself (do yourself a favor and DO NOT Google those pictures), I am suggesting that the LIFE LONG COMMITMENT TO LOVE YOURSELF is the foundation upon which you should build a life with someone else.

Let’s look at the traditional wedding vows again, but this time place your name in all of the fill in the blank spaces. It may sound egotistical but do it anyway. Say the vows to yourself out loud, perhaps even say them while looking in the mirror, just as you would say them to your bride or groom to be.

Here’s how it would sound for me, “I, Jay Jay Speaks, take you, Jay Jay Speaks, to be, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

Sounds kind of “goofy” doesn’t it but I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to do it! I dare you to do it with the same seriousness, and purpose with which you would take these vows with another. I dare you to really research in your heart what it means to LOVE YOURSELF enough to want to take these vows in front of family, friends and the world. For some this may be no big deal. But making commitment to others means nothing if you are not first committed to yourself.

 Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

If you married someone else before you married yourself that’s ok. I think in this case they shouldn’t mind. If they do then...ummm you may have married the wrong person first. L