Thursday, August 23, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: TPS and Owens partnering to help drop out earn dip...
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: TPS and Owens partnering to help drop out earn dip...: TPS and Owens partnering to help drop out earn diplomas, start college : The national program "A Gateway to a Second Chance" begins this sem...
TPS and Owens partnering to help drop out earn diplomas, start college
TPS and Owens partnering to help drop out earn diplomas, start college: The national program "A Gateway to a Second Chance" begins this semester through a partnership with Toledo Public Schools and Owens Community College. The program will start students on the path to earning high school diplomas and college degrees.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Seasons Change
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Seasons Change: Seasons Change By Jay Jay Speaks August 15, 2012 Wow can you believe it? The month of August is half way over already. As the s...
Seasons Change
Seasons Change
By Jay Jay Speaks
August 15, 2012
Wow can you believe it? The month of August is half way over already. As the summer continues to fade away, thoughts of autumn begin to overtake my mind. As much as kids (and teachers) love the summer time, I have to confess that I am partial to the fall. To me, fall brings cooler temperatures, crisp autumn air and brilliant colors on the trees as the leaves turn beautiful shades of brown, orange, yellow and red. Fall clothing has always been the most comfortable to me. I like being able to bust out the long sleeve shirts, the light jacket or windbreaker as we used to call it back in the day. Fall also means it’s time for FOOTBALL, but I digress.
The changing of the season from summer to autumn always makes me think about the passage in the bible from (KJV) Ecclesiastes 3:1 “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Now without getting overly religious concerning this passage I can’t help but think out loud that this scripture contains within it WORDS OF WISDOM that could help so many of us grow into the people we were meant to be rather than the people we have settled on being. Let me repeat that, THIS SCRIPTURE CONTAINS WITHIN IT WORDS OF WISDOM THAT COULD HELP SO MANY OF US GROW INTO THE PEOPLE WE WERE MEANT TO BE RATHER THAN THE PEOPLE WE HAVE SETTLED ON BEING.
Let me get to the heart of this matter quickly. Life unfolds as it is going to unfold whether we like it or not. Things will happen to us in life whether we want them to or not. Even the biggest, baddest and best of us will be humbled by life if we live long enough. Both tragedy and triumph are to be expected. Life and death will be encountered. Joys and pains will be discovered. The seasons of life will come and go and during their time they will do to us and with us exactly what they were created to do, whether we like it or not.
There will be a WINTER SEASON, during which time the bitter coldness of people and the harshness of life will threaten to overtake you. Some winter seasons will be long and barren. You will look around for help and support only to find others are hold up, fighting their own cold season or others are tucked away warmly, enjoying the provisions they’ve saved up for just such an occasion.
The SPRING SEASON, will follow winter bringing with it renewal, rejuvenation and hope. Sometimes the spring season begins in a flash, seeming to come out of nowhere. In real life spring season may be brought on by a new job, new relationship or rekindling of something you thought was done and gone. Other times spring seems to take a long time to kick into gear but you know it is coming. You can see the opportunities slowly starting to develop. The waiting period is excruciating but you are encouraged because you can see the ice melting in your environment. Once spring has sprung you can barely remember the cruelty of winter. The hard times begin to humor you as you think back to where you just came from. You marvel at how you made it through and smile at what is to come. Spring is a time for planting and plowing. The seeds you sow in the spring will provide a harvest sooner and later.
Spring is always followed by the SUMMER SEASON. Summer season is tricky because it is also the “good time” period that always seems to go too fast. The summer time is when you get to show everyone the stronger you who made it through the cold winter. It’s the time when you may “strut yo stuff” a little to those who swore the winter’s ice tripped you up and the snow buried you for good. Yeah summer time is your time, but if you’re not careful that “summer, summer, summertime” (to borrow from Philly’s own Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince) can get too hot and burn you out!
Summer time is also when you can get too full of yourself and set the wheels in motion for others to ignore your pleas for help (friendship, companionship, intimacy, understanding, forgiveness and compassion) once winter falls upon you again. The summer season can also be the time when “hot butts” & “fast pants” wind up pregnant. You see summer may be the time when you are impregnated with something that you will give birth to during the coldness of winter.
Summer quickly fades into the FALL SEASON, which brings with it the warnings of the approach of winter. Fall is the most critical season to most of us whether we are aware of it or not. The reason being, fall is the buffer between fullness of summer and the barrenness of winter. A wise man knows that the nip in the autumn air means winter is on its way, so he begins to prepare. Preparation can look very different based on individual circumstances but in general it consists of: planning, saving, planting, collecting, storing and moving. Sometimes and Indian summer can fool folks into thinking that fall and winter are not coming but just as the sun will rise in the sky, the seasons will change whether you are prepared or not. Fall gives the weary warrior a respite from the scorching heat of summer but the comfort of fall doesn’t last very and the hard winds of winter begin to make themselves known.
Life unfolds in seasons and the seasons move in patterns. We cannot avoid these changes nor can we hide from them. The best we can do is learn to accept them, prepare for them, attempt to work appropriately in them with the understanding that “THIS SEASON TOO SHALL PASS,” and another is coming.
To those that don’t heed this wisdom they will find themselves ill-equipped when the season changes and unprepared to “weather” the elements. They will find life to be unbearably cruel and unpredictable, as they scamper and scurry seeking provision for others. One of the ugliest sights to behold is someone living life “out of season.” As you continue along your journey of life remember, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
Now go and walk with GRIT, GRACE and GREATNESS!
Don’t wait until Monday, do it today on HUMP DAY!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Lessons from LeBron James
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Lessons from LeBron James: Lessons from LeBron James By Jay Jay Speaks August 8, 2012 LeBron Raymone James is an American professional basketball player for...
Lessons from LeBron James
Lessons from LeBron James
By Jay Jay Speaks
August 8, 2012
LeBron Raymone James is an American professional basketball player for the Miami Heat of the National Basketball Association (NBA). He is an NBA champion, NBA Finals MVP, 3-time NBA MVP, and former NBA Rookie of the Year and NBA All-Star Game MVP. He is also one of co-captains of the Miami Heat. LeBron is an eight-time NBA All-Star and has earned eight All-NBA honors and four All-Defensive honors.
Nicknamed "King James", James had a storied high school basketball career at St. Vincent – St. Mary High School in his hometown of Akron, Ohio. A three-time "Mr. Basketball of Ohio", he was highly promoted in the national media as a future NBA superstar. After graduating, he was selected with the first overall pick of the 2003 NBA Draft by his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers. In 2010, he left the Cavaliers for the Heat in a highly publicized free agency period. In 2012, he led Miami to their second ever NBA title, winning his first overall. His list of achievements and leadership during the Heats' 2012 championship run have led many basketball analysts, experts, and writers to consider him the best player in the NBA today. (www.Wikipedia.com)
LeBron James has been one of the most criticized, scrutinized, televised and idolized players in the history of the National Basketball Association. In his 9 year career he has been one of the most “loved” players and one of the most “hated” players in the league. LeBron has surely and certainly had his highs and lows, ups and downs, victories and defeats. As I look back on the last couple of chapters on his life’s book I think there are some valuable lessons we can all take away. LeBron went from owning the city of Cleveland, Ohio and being the most popular person in the state of Ohio, to being the most hated man east of the Rocky Mountains in one night. The basketball world laughed at his failure(s) in the 2011 NBA FINALS as the heavily favored Miami Heat lost to Dallas Mavericks 4 games to 2. But at the conclusion of the last season 2011-12 LeBron James silenced ALL HIS CRITICS by winning his 3rd League MVP and the leading his team to the NBA Championship, a championship the basketball fans of 49 states said his team wouldn’t win. Not only did James lead his team to the championship but he secured the Most Valuable Player of the championship series.
After the championship all the haters, naysayers and bitter fans, fell absolutely silent. The social media universe on Facebook and Twitter became a vacuum. The “he will never,” or “you know he won’t ever” jokes and criticism immediately became extinct.
LESSONS from LEBRON JAMES
1. As Charlie Sheen once famously said, “AHHHHHH...WINNING!”
2. Everyone who starts out with you won’t finish with you.
3. IRON SHARPENS IRON; surround yourself with talented people if you want to keep getting better.
4. Leadership is within all of us, but only when you are truly comfortable with WHO YOU ARE.
5. No matter how much you love your parents, you are not responsible for their behavior.
6. No one else can live your life for you.
7. Often times you have to leave home (or what you’ve always known) in order to really grow up.
8. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall,” (Proverbs 16:18 KJV).
9. Keep your words soft and sweet just in case one day you have to eat them (someone ask Cleveland Cavalier owner Dan Gilbert).
10. Sometimes less is more.
11. The best revenge is to LIVE WELL!
12. The BEST YOU is the REAL YOU. Don’t try to be what other people what you to be. Be yourself.
13. When you enjoy what you are doing, you get better at it!
14. You have to do what’s best for you in life (your family, business, brand, etc.).
15. You will never truly be successful if you are afraid to fail, TAKE YOUR SHOT WHEN IT IS OPEN!
16. You won’t be able to please everyone, so don’t try (ask Orlando Magic Center Dwight Howard).
(This list is not meant to be comprehensive or all inclusive, feel free to add your own)
Whether you are a sports fan, basketball enthusiast or have never heard of LeBron James, you can still learn some valuable lessons from the recent pages of his career. These lessons are not just for athletes, entertainers or millionaires. The lessons above are for each and every one of us.
I’m sure if you put your dislike for him, his team, his actions or sports aside and just read the lessons you’ll find there is room for you to improve your life or your outlook on life from some of these lessons.
Don’t wait until Monday, do it today.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Listening Your Way Out of Failure
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Listening Your Way Out of Failure: This isn't my essay or column but I found it worth sharing. I hope you find it worth reading as well. Daily Devotional Listening Yo...
Listening Your Way Out of Failure
This isn't my essay or column but I found it worth sharing. I hope you find it worth reading as well.
Daily Devotional
Listening Your Way Out of Failure
We lead such messy lives sometimes, directionally challenged, bad-decisions-scarred lives. And sometimes when we least expect it, we turn around and discover that we’ve sunken into a ‘pit’ that welcomed us so open-armedly that we didn’t even notice when our sinking began.
Renowned Bible teacher, Beth Moore, teaches about the ‘pit’, and how we can become so familiar with it that most people don’t even bother to seek a way out. We often decorate our pits, she says, so that they seem more homely. We move in our emotional couches and tables, recline and put our feet up, because in our minds we’ve hit a dead-end and after all, what’s so bad about being in a pit anyway? So it is we get stuck.
Though there is only one explicit mention in the Bible of someone being thrown into a pit, the idea of being hurled, whether by others or by our own doing, into a low, ditch-like situation is common throughout the entire biblical text. The human dilemma is that we are imperfect beings armed with free-will and a whole slew of emotions. Thus, we sometimes make choices based on how we feel, rather than slowing down and really giving thought to the possible repercussions. Our choices, or those of others, can wind up impacting us so negatively that we turn inward and assume the status of a pit-dweller.
Yet, pits are not homes, neither are they meant to be comfortable. At best, the pit is a place of testing and development, it is the place of processing deep hurts and disappointments and navigating through major life changes, but it is never supposed to be a place of permanent derailment. Your pit should produce a greater level of fortitude within you rather than weaken your resolve.
So how do you get out once you’ve slipped into one of life’s low places? I believe the answer starts with hearing God’s voice. There is such tremendous power, peace, and direction in hearing the Father’s voice in the midst of your situation, that it completely outweighs every other method or agent of relief. The glory of His presence is contained in the fact that He is ever present, and so even at our lowest point we discover, if we look closely, that He is there, lingering still, by our sides. And so it’s His voice that replaces light, when all around us is darkness.
God’s voice heard echoing through His Word is the rope thrown down to us for our rescue. There is undoubtedly nothing more powerful on the face of the earth than the Word of God – written, spoken, and manifested. If you listen closely, His Word will always point you to the ‘Exit’ sign, and reveal the heart of God to you. His Word always comes in to mop up our mess and realign our focus with the will of God. Today, choose to lean on God’s spoken and written Word as you navigate your way out of the place called ‘failure’. His Word is more than sufficient to guide you.
Scripture of the Day: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” - Psalm 119:105
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Can I Go With You?
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Can I Go With You?: Can I Go With You? By Jay Jay Speaks July 11, 2012 “Can I go with you?” is what I hear her every time I grab my car keys from the...
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take: Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take : Give and Take By Jay Jay Speaks May 30, 2012 I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a...
Can I Go With You?
Can I Go With You?
By Jay Jay Speaks
July 11, 2012
“Can I go with you?” is what I hear her every time I grab my car keys from the small table located by the front door. “You don’t even know where I’m going” I respond with a smirk on my face. “I don’t care, I wanna go anyway,” is her response. This is the dance that my oldest daughter and I do every time I grab my keys to leave the house, or I should say every time she’s within earshot of the sound of dad’s dancing keys. This familiar routine always warms my heart, knowing that she’s my “road dog.” This same daughter has accompanied me to diversity trainings (as far as Cleveland, OH), keynote speeches to college crowds and to work related evening events throughout most of her life. She travelled with me to Chicago (8 hours round trip) to pick up her little sister, a couple of weekends ago. As we travelled across Ohio, through Indiana and into Illinois, she sat in the passenger seat looking out the window in silence for miles and miles, I’d just look at her and smile. She seemed content to just be a passenger. Sometimes we’d talk about silly stuff and other times serious life stuff or as serious as life stuff can be for a young girl, living in middle class suburban neighborhood. I like having her accompany me. She doesn’t talk too much, like her younger sister and she doesn’t totally reside in her own little world distracted and disinterested in other people, like her little brother. I guess as far as travelling companions go she’s just right.
Can I go with you? Just a simple question, consisting of only 5 words but those words arranged thusly can mean so much if you move beyond just the literal and superficial. The answer is usually “YES,” you can come with me, but I realize in the greater understanding of life there are times, she won’t be able to go.
As someone who looks out and sees the largeness of life and the complexities presented by living a full, whole and involved life I understand that there are places I have been, places where I am currently and places I have yet to go that NO ONE ELSE CAN GO WITH ME. There are places that each of us must go alone. There are places we will find ourselves, where few will want to go with us. And others places where valued friends, trusted lovers and dear family, simply won’t BE ABLE TO GO WITH US. Some of these places are the dry seasons of life. Others will be the rainy seasons, not the rain that gently nourishes the plants and causes them to grow, but the apocalyptic down pour that drowns crops, animals and weary pedestrians who happen to get caught by the storm surge. The type of rainfall that ruins houses and washes away a lifetime of work, accomplishment, achievement and good-will. Some of these bad weather seasons will come out of nowhere and seemingly wash away your support and supporters, while others you will see coming, like a storm moving in across the open plains of the great mid-western U.S. You will welcome some of the seasons because you know there will be a purging of hangers-on and the superficial friends who are not really there for you anyway. Other times you will anticipate, prepare, store up what you think you will need to weather the storm, only to find out that some things you can never really be ready for.
Some of you reading this have already encountered this phenomenon. You’ve dared to do something no one else in your family has done and instead of finding open arms and welcoming smiles you’ve been greeted with “I hope you don’t think (fill in the blank) makes you better than me!” Or perhaps someone else has decided to lose weight, to adopt a more healthy lifestyle for themself only to be told by those who were accustomed to the rounder, more ample you, “You ain’t gonna keep that weight off, we always been big-boned and ain’t nothing wrong with that. Who do you think you are?” While others will simply find that family and/or friends don’t agree with some of the decisions they’ve made for their own lives.
As much as we would all like to know that there will always been someone with us, someone to keep us company on the road of life the reality is we come into this world alone and we will leave it on our own as well. If we are blessed and if we are lucky we will have companions to walk with us for portions of our journey. Perhaps we will have company for significant stretches on our pathway but eventually and inevitably we will sojourn on our own for other stretches. Whether those lonely sojourns are self-imposed due to bad choices, ill-conceived decisions and mistakes or we are dealt a blow by the unseen hand of fate WE WILL ALL WALK ALONE AT SOMETIME.
I don’t know if this comes as good news or bad news to you as you read these words. It is bittersweet to me. I would love to have “good company” while I traverse “bad roads” but that doesn’t seem to always be the case. So I am resolving within myself to make peace and pleasantries with my only steady companion, ME.
“Yes, sweetie you can go with me,” until that day comes when you too will have to travel alone.
Be grateful for your traveling companions, whether they are only there for the short trips or the long hauls, let them know that you appreciate their company, because the time will come when you’ll look for someone to go with you and no one will be found. Show your appreciation today.
Don’t wait until Monday, do it today.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take: Give and Take By Jay Jay Speaks May 30, 2012 I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all but one from...
Give and Take
Give and Take
By Jay Jay Speaks
May 30, 2012
I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all but one from which I learned a very valuable lesson.
There are some who will argue this point with me, but I think it’s safe for me to say that “I AM A GIVER.” I have given of myself, my time, my money, my life, my knowledge, my wisdom, my muscle (what little I have), my patience, my love, my effort and my heart to family, friends, co-workers, students, neighbors, strangers and even foes. I’m not saying that I’m “Mother Theresa” but I tend to be a very generous person with my possessions, sometimes to a fault.
I’d be lying if I said that being a “giver” is always a good thing. There have been times when I’ve given more than I should have and had to pay the price. Sometimes that price was a lack of what I needed to pay my bills, take care of myself properly, or at the expense of my own esteem. I’ve given into bullies, partners, children, parents, siblings, supervisors, co-workers, and friends on issues that were extremely important to me in the name of peace and harmony, as well as deference and cowardice.
I’m not proud to admit all of this but I think it is important for me to confess this because I know I’m not the only one. Even if no one else benefits from that confession and this essay it is a purging of my soul to the “universe” so that I don’t need to carry this around anymore. So back to my opening…
“I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all but one from which I learned a very valuable lesson.”
The lesson I learned was about me. I was on a mission, a mission that had a hidden agenda. This agenda was so well hidden I didn’t know it was there until I had to deal with the frustration, pain and disappointment that resulted from my GIVING. I’ve just come through a stretch of time where I shelled out a lot of money, time, effort and energy to make people happy. This period of time consisted of starting a new job I wasn’t thrilled about, celebrating 3 birthdays, and Mother’s Day. All of these occasions call for celebration and most are honored with gift giving. The amount of money that was spent during this period of time isn’t important although it is safe to say the dollar amount is well into the 4 figure category.
As the “GIVING HIGH” started to wear off, I found myself feeling down. (This is where the valuable lesson came in) I couldn’t figure out why I was starting to feel upset and depressed. I was able to buy some really good gifts for people I cared about, everyone was healthy and seemed somewhat appreciative of my efforts. When I asked myself what was wrong, the answer that came back from inside of me was, “NOW WHAT?” Huh? “Now what?” I asked myself, what does this mean? As I pondered this question I began to realize that I was a “SELFISH GIVER.”
A “selfish giver” is a person who gives to other people with a self-centered, egotistical or selfish motive. I had to sit with this thought and really exam myself. How could I be selfish when I had just showered my family with meals out, new clothing, new toys, family outings, cash in their hands and gifts? How could I be selfish when I had put my dream and ambition on pause to start a job I didn’t want? How could I be selfish when I’d just provided presents for my wife’s birthday, my daughter’s birthday, my son’s birthday and four mother’s on Mother’s Day?
The answer was, because I was giving to them but expecting something back!
I was expecting a level of gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation, perhaps even indebtedness that, in many ways, negates the implied benevolence of giving. Those who know the bible may be familiar with some of these passages:
· Freely you have received, freely give. (Matthew 10:8)
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: "MORE CHEESE!"
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: "MORE CHEESE!": “MORE CHEESE!” By Jay Jay Speaks May 22, 2012 In my Wednesday Wisdom last week (5/16/12) I encourage everyone to “find a reason t...
"MORE CHEESE!"
“MORE CHEESE!”
By Jay Jay Speaks
May 22, 2012
In my Wednesday Wisdom last week (5/16/12) I encourage everyone to “find a reason to smile.” For those who weren’t moved by my personal narrative and admonishment, here are some reasons to smile that are supported by research.
Mark Stibich, Ph.D., from About.com Guide, gives up the Top 10 Reasons to Smile
1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in (avoid these smile aging habits to keep your smile looking great).
2. Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.
3. Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.
4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.
5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.
6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?
7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.
8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.
9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.
10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: SAY CHEESE!
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: SAY CHEESE!: “Say CHEESE!” By Jay Jay Speaks May 16, 2012 The Rude Boys sang a song in 1993 entitled It’s “Written All Over Your Face.” The op...
SAY CHEESE!
“Say CHEESE!”
By Jay Jay Speaks
May 16, 2012
The Rude Boys sang a song in 1993 entitled It’s “Written All Over Your Face.” The opening went like this,
It's written all over your face. You don't have to say a word. Just smile a smile a smile. A smile for me
It's better than any word I ever heard.
And in the 1980’s R&B duo Hall & Oates sang a song called, “Sara Smile” Baby hair with a woman's eyes. I can feel you watching in the night. All alone with me and we're waiting for the sunlight. When I feel cold you warm me. When I feel I can't go on you come and hold me. It's you and me forever. Sara smile, won't you smile a while for me, Sara.
Lastly teenage sensation Shanice sang, Sitting in my class, just drifting away Staring into the windows of the world I can't hear the teacher, his books don't call me at all I don't see the bad boys tryin' to catch some play...cause I love your smile I love your smile, in her 1991 teen classic “ I Love Your Smile.”
You all can probably think of 10 more songs that involve smiles, smiling, or wanting to see someone smile. When we sing or think about these songs they make us feel good. For anyone my age I’m sure these songs take you back to an earlier time, a more innocent time and a time when SMILING came more naturally. Perhaps the songs remind you of a time when smiling was easier, before the pressures and strain of adulthood, parenthood and your neighborhood began to wear you down. Perhaps you remember a simpler time, a time when a smile formed quicker and stayed longer on your face before you had to worry about so many other people and so many other things.
I just wanted to remind myself and you that we can’t forget to SMILE. Sometimes we have to just make time to smile. Despite the pressures and pain, the heartbreak and heartache of life, even in the midst of hard times and hardship we still need to find a reason to smile. There is something almost magical that happens when we smile. When we smile, we find ourselves on the precipice of laughter. Maybe it’s because the corners of our mouths are already assuming the laughing position. Or maybe it’s because our heart gets the heads up that we can release those burdens, if but for a moment.
I can remember finding a reason to smile the day of my father’s funeral. I remember that evening after the service my mother wanted all of us kids to go to the beach, a place my father and her liked to go to watch the sunset. My mother said that my dad came to her in a dream the night before and told her she’d know he was ok when she saw a rainbow. As we drove to the beach it was slightly overcast that Florida day. Arriving at the beach the sun was a little lower than we’d hoped and it didn’t seem like we’d see much. I excused myself and went to the restroom. I had been standing with my mom for the better part of an hour just trying to be close to her to comfort her. I could see on her face she was waiting, wishing and wanting to see a rainbow. She wanted to know that my dad was okay where he was after leaving us a few days before. As I came out of the restroom skies I saw something in the sky, through the cloudy twilight. No it wasn’t a rainbow, at least not the kind we traditionally see on the Lucky Charms cereal box. What I saw was a cluster of dark clouds in the sky with light emanating from behind it. What I could see was a rainbow of colors bursting from around the cluster of clouds. I called my mom on her cell phone because she was looking in the other direction. She was looking in the direction of the open sky and ocean. I said, “Mom there’s Pop’s rainbow.” “Where?” she asked,” I said look to your right that cluster of clouds.” “I don’t see anything” she replied. “I said Pop never did anything the normal way, he always had to be difficult and stubborn. Look at what is coming out from around those clouds.” My mother looked and saw a rainbow of colors bursting out from behind the clouds as if a color bomb had exploded. As she began to say something to me on the phone, I saw it. I saw the rainbow that I was looking for, I saw my mom smile, even in the midst of burying her husband of 41 years.
My mother’s smile warmed my broken heart. Her smile led to a chuckle. Her chuckle led to a laugh. She began talking to my dad and thanked him for letting her know he was okay.
Today, tomorrow and everyday find a reason to crack a smile. Not that phony workplace smile as you say, “Good morning” to a co-worker but a real smile. Smile when you hear the laughter of children. Smile when a gentle breeze blows past you. Smile when you see a picture of your family on your desk. Smile by thinking of your favorite song or poem. Find a reason to smile because sometimes it’s those little reasons and those little smiles that will get you through life’s BIG DISAPPOINTMENTS AND DISASTERS.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MOM! i’M NOT WISHING YOU A BELATED MOTHER’S DAY BECAUSE EVERYDAY IS MOTHER’S DAY. I LOVE YOU!
Smile today. Don’t wait until Monday, do it today.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: See Into Me
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: See Into Me: See Into Me By Jay Jay Speaks May 9, 2012 A few posts back I wrote about the need for you to “marry yourself” by making a life-lo...
See Into Me
See Into Me
By Jay Jay Speaks
May 9, 2012
A few posts back I wrote about the need for you to “marry yourself” by making a life-long commitment to love, honor and cherish yourself, till death do you part. But I’ve been thinking lately that some people aren’t ready to get married to themselves because they don’t understand the concept of INTIMACY.
Intimacy is defined as: 1). the state of being intimate, 2). a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group, 3). a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of something/someone.
The definition tells you that intimacy involves being close, familiar, affectionate, and that it involves detailed knowledge and deep understanding. You don’t develop detailed knowledge and deep understanding without investing time into something. You don’t get close and familiar with something or someone without being actively involved.
Why would anyone marry someone with whom they don’t have an intimate relationship? If you haven’t married yourself or you don’t feel ready to marry yourself ask yourself if you have developed intimacy with you. Do you have detailed knowledge and a deep understanding of yourself, your own motivations, inspirations, passions and dreams? Have you spent enough time with yourself in a deep and meaningful way that you’ve begun to develop a close association with who you really are? I’m not talking about the “you” that is trying to please your parents, spouse, family, supervisor or neighbors. I’m not talking about the “you” that is afraid of disappointing others for fear that they won’t like you anymore or they will stop loving you. I’m not even talking about the “you” you pretend to be to yourself, you know the one who tells herself she’s fine when she’s really in pain. The “you” who insists he doesn’t need any help, when deep down you’re scared, terrified and intimidated by what’s in front of you. I’m talking about the" you" that appears in the mirror every once in a while. You know the one that makes you look closer at your reflection for just a second, YEAH I’M TALKING ABOUT THAT YOU! The "you" that you don’t recognize sometimes, until you tilt your head to one side a little bit or turn your whole body sideways then look again. YOU KNOW THE ONE.
That is the “you” that you should begin to develop and intimate relationship with. It will be awkward at first. You probably haven’t talked to that “you” since you were a little kid. That “you” has missed the time you used to spend with one another. That “you” might be angry with you for abandoning her once you started using sex to get comfort or attention from boys. That “you” may still feel abandoned because you started hanging out with other people more than you did with her once you went to college or thought you were grown. That “you” may still need to heal from some of those experiences you want to forget, or may not have recovered from the abuse that you’ve experienced in your life.
The “you” that appears in the mirror every now and again, is just a bigger version of that shy little boy who lost his trust when his mother and father got divorced. That “you” used to beg you to laugh with him and play but you thought you needed to be tough and hang with those boys on the corner. There’s a “you” in the mirror who has held in the pain of rejection from women, disappointment by family members and disillusionment with God that he finds it hard to smile most of the time.
There is a “you” who hasn’t been seen since you decided that you were going to pursue your degree to prove someone else wrong or prove to you that you were right. The “you” that hasn’t been seen since you decided you were going to rise to the top of your profession no matter what, still peeks around corners and hopes to run into you at some point.
Reintroduce yourself to “that you” so you can rebuild the intimacy you’ve lost with yourself.
Once you can learn to develop, accept and cherish being intimate with yourself, you can welcome intimacy with a significant other, spouse or friend. I think it’s important to develop this relationship because if this is missing you will not be able to participate in intimacy with anyone else.
There are five keys to intimacy that you must understand in order for you to create it and sustain it.
1. First key to intimacy is you learn to like yourself
a. There is little to no foundation for loving others when we don’t have the friendliness, acceptance, compassion and gratitude that comes from liking oneself.
2. Second key is you must learn to be able to appreciate others
a. When we appreciate others we can separate ourselves from the object of our love, and see them as they really are, then we can truly celebrate them for their uniqueness.
3. Third key is you must be open to change.
a. Change is the one constant in life. The more things change the more they stay the same. We have to learn to accept that things change and sometimes people change in small ways. Rather than constantly moving away from our fears, change your approach and move toward them to conquer fear.
4. Fourth key is you have to be ready to grow.
a. It’s been said that “intimacy is the experience of love, its nature is boundless, like our capacity for love.” We will always be moving, changing and elevating our level of intimacy. This movement and changing is what will make you grow.
5. Fifth, and possible the most important, key is that you must be willing to work at it.
a. Relationships fail because people get tired of working at them. Intimacy falls apart when someone decides they don’t want to continue to work at creating it, repairing it, developing it, or elevating it.
Intimacy is a powerful word. It frightens some people (men and women) away from any relationship beyond causal. Intimacy is the code word on the lips or many playboys, pimps and playas as they run game on unsuspecting and trusting young souls. Intimacy is an 8-letter word that penetrates all three levels of humanity; body, soul and spirit. To some the word intimacy is interchangeable with the word sex. To others the word intimacy is the secret code word for love and acceptance like they’ve never had before. But to me it represents three simple words that convey some much.
Intimacy = INTO ME SEE
And once someone develops intimacy with themself or with another person what they are really saying are these three words.
I LOVE YOU!
Go look in the mirror and see if you can find the “you” with whom you need to develop your intimate relationship with.
Don’t wait until Monday, do it today.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: You Still Have ...
Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: You Still Have ...: Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: You Still Have Time : You Still Have Time by Jay Jay Speaks April 26, 2012 As everyone knows spring is ...
Junior Seau Is Gone But the Issue Remains
Lonely Decision
by Jay Jay Speaks
February 7, 2012
Reposted (May 3, 2012)
According to sources in the Los Angeles coroner’s office, the February 1, 2012 death of TV pioneer Don Corneilus (host, director and producer of Soul Train, the longest running music television show in history) is officially being ruled a “suicide.”
This will come as a disappointment to many people, particularly many in the African-American community. I’ve already read and heard many black people comment that, they “can’t believe that Don Corneilus actually killed himself,” as if suicide is the forbidden decision for black Americans. Long is the history of denial, refusal and community delusion when it comes to the African American community and the issue of suicide.
For many African Americans it is far easier to grasp the concept that a family member or loved one accidentally overdosed on drugs or alcohol, or was senselessly gunned down in the streets than to come to grips with the reality that a black person may have taken their own life. We can more easily allow ourselves to devise elaborate conspiracy theories of how someone in power (police, politicians or drug kingpins) arranged for someone to be taken out through a conversion of circumstances than to admit that someone we know and cared about reached a conclusion that they would end their own life rather than continue to endure whatever tragedy, depression, sickness, illness, bullying or lack of acceptance their current reality brings. I mean so many of us in the black community think killing yourself is “the coward’s way out of hardship.” Recently I even had one guy tell me, “Killing yourself is the bitch move!”
At some point we in the black community need to stop with the lies, and let go of the denial. The honest truth is that there is no special dispensation from depression bestowed upon African-Americans. There is no innate emotional shield from the darkness that can possess a person’s soul. Just because our ancestors endured 400+ years of chattel slavery and another 100 years of Jim Crow segregation doesn’t remove us from the modern human experience. Before any black American beat their chests and brag on the toughness of our people for enduring slavery, please keep in mind that thousands and thousands of Africans threw themselves overboard into the Atlantic ocean rather than continue on the journey of the middle passage .We hurt, we cry, we suffer and sometimes we die at our own hands just like every other nationality, ethnicity, race, culture and community of people participating in this American experience. Perhaps we don’t participate in suicide at the same rate as other demographic groups, I don’t know. Or perhaps we find ways to hide our suicides amongst the senseless shootings, deaths and urban crime statistics. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…
I know a few things for sure. I know for sure that I have encountered several black people who have either attempted suicide or at least seriously contemplated it. I have known a few, some who were very close to me, who keep this as their big deep dark secret. They shared their secret with me, either because I shared mine with them first or they sensed that I’d understand if they told me this thing they couldn’t share with anyone else. I spoke to one of these people this week in fact. Alarmed by their text messages, I sat in my family room trying to devise a strategy to encourage them to select an alternative to the decision they texted me they had reached. I am glad this person didn’t follow through on their train of thought and course of action. I’m so glad that they decided to fight, to push and to endure the curious questioning of “why God isn’t there and why they had to be the eternal outcast in their famiy and amongst their friends? ” I’m glad they decided to find more reasons to draw breath than reasons to stop taking it in. I’m glad because I would miss that person dearly. I would miss them selfishly. I would miss them and somewhere in my sorrow, I’d be jealous that they had the conviction to do what I have thought about doing.
Suicide is our dirty little secret. It’s the family secret we don’t talk about in front of strangers or in front of family. We gloss over the facts and deny the truth, the truth that we all knew about all along. We ignore the message and the cries for help. We cover them up with scriptures, and soul food. We hide them behind marijuana and alcohol. We numb these messages by have sex, lots of sex, lots of premarital, extra-marital, promiscuous sex. But no matter how much we deny, ignore, cover-up, hide or numb the pleas for help, they are always there. ALWAYS.
We must commit to loving one another honestly and listening to one another sincerely. The next time someone talks about killing themselves or is going through a real rough time (weeks, months, years, or tragedy) don’t simply blow off their comments, jokes, midnight tears on the phone or cryptic text messages or Facebook posts. Go meet them where they are (geographically and emotionally) and let them know you care. Let them know how much they mean to you, then do the best most endearing loving thing you can do…TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY AND LISTEN TO THEIR PAIN. Sometimes listening can be enough to make them decide to try again, to love again, to marry again, to have faith again, to live again and to…BREATHE AGAIN.
REST IN PEACE Brother Don Corneilus.
You were the conductor of the “HIPPEST RIDE IN AMERICA!” We’re should all be sorry we didn’t understand the depths of your pain. May you find in death what you could not find in life.
I wish you, “Love, Peace and Soul!”
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