Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: See Into Me

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: See Into Me: See Into Me By Jay Jay Speaks May 9, 2012 A few posts back I wrote about the need for you to “marry yourself” by making a life-lo...

See Into Me

See Into Me

By Jay Jay Speaks

May 9, 2012

A few posts back I wrote about the need for you to “marry yourself” by making a life-long commitment to love, honor and cherish yourself, till death do you part.  But I’ve been thinking lately that some people aren’t ready to get married to themselves because they don’t understand the concept of INTIMACY.

Intimacy is defined as:  1). the state of being intimate, 2). a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group,  3). a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of something/someone.

The definition tells you that intimacy involves being close, familiar, affectionate, and that it involves detailed knowledge and deep understanding. You don’t develop detailed knowledge and deep understanding without investing time into something. You don’t get close and familiar with something or someone without being actively involved.

Why would anyone marry someone with whom they don’t have an intimate relationship? If you haven’t married yourself or you don’t feel ready to marry yourself ask yourself if you have developed intimacy with you. Do you have detailed knowledge and a deep understanding of yourself, your own motivations, inspirations, passions and dreams? Have you spent enough time with yourself in a deep and meaningful way that you’ve begun to develop a close association with who you really are? I’m not talking about the “you” that is trying to please your parents, spouse, family, supervisor or neighbors.  I’m not talking about the “you” that is afraid of disappointing others for fear that they won’t like you anymore or they will stop loving you. I’m not even talking about the “you” you pretend to be to yourself, you know the one who tells herself she’s fine when she’s really in pain. The “you” who insists he doesn’t need any help, when deep down you’re scared, terrified and intimidated by what’s in front of you. I’m talking about the" you" that appears in the mirror every once in a while. You know the one that makes you look closer at your reflection for just a second, YEAH I’M TALKING ABOUT THAT YOU! The "you" that you don’t recognize sometimes, until you tilt your head to one side a little bit or turn your whole body sideways then look again. YOU KNOW THE ONE.

That is the “you” that you should begin to develop and intimate relationship with. It will be awkward at first. You probably haven’t talked to  that “you” since you were a little kid. That “you” has missed the time you used to spend with one another. That “you” might be angry with you for abandoning her once you started using sex to get comfort or attention from boys. That “you” may still feel abandoned because you started hanging out with other people more than you did with her once you went to college or thought you were grown. That “you” may still need to heal from some of those experiences you want to forget, or may not have recovered from the abuse that you’ve experienced in your life.

The “you” that appears in the mirror every now and again, is just a bigger version of that shy little boy who lost his trust when his mother and father got divorced. That “you” used to beg you to laugh with him and play but you thought you needed to be tough and hang with those boys on the corner. There’s a “you” in the mirror who has held in the pain of rejection from women, disappointment by family members and disillusionment with God that he finds it hard to smile most of the time.

There is a “you” who hasn’t been seen since you decided that you were going to pursue your degree to prove someone else wrong or prove to you that you were right. The “you” that hasn’t been seen since you decided you were going to rise to the top of your profession no matter what, still peeks around corners and hopes to run into you at some point.

Reintroduce yourself to “that you” so you can rebuild the intimacy you’ve lost with yourself.

Once you can learn to develop, accept and cherish being intimate with yourself, you can welcome intimacy with a significant other, spouse or friend. I think it’s important to develop this relationship because if this is missing you will not be able to participate in intimacy with anyone else. 

There are five keys to intimacy that you must understand in order for you to create it and sustain it.

1.       First key to intimacy is you learn to like yourself  

a.       There is little to no foundation for loving others when we don’t have the friendliness, acceptance, compassion and gratitude that comes from liking oneself.

2.       Second key is you must learn to be able to appreciate others

a.       When we appreciate others we can separate ourselves from the object of our love, and see them as they really are, then we can truly celebrate them for their uniqueness.

3.       Third key is you must be open to change.

a.       Change is the one constant in life. The more things change the more they stay the same. We have to learn to accept that things change and sometimes people change in small ways. Rather than constantly moving away from our fears, change your approach and move toward them to conquer fear.

4.       Fourth key is you have to be ready to grow.

a.       It’s been said that “intimacy is the experience of love, its nature is boundless, like our capacity for love.” We will always be moving, changing and elevating our level of intimacy. This movement and changing is what will make you grow.

5.       Fifth, and possible the most important, key is that you must be willing to work at it.

a.       Relationships fail because people get tired of working at them.  Intimacy falls apart when someone decides they don’t want to continue to work at creating it, repairing it, developing it, or elevating it.

Intimacy is a powerful word. It frightens some people (men and women) away from any relationship beyond causal. Intimacy is the code word on the lips or many playboys, pimps and playas as they run game on unsuspecting and trusting young souls. Intimacy is an 8-letter word that penetrates all three levels of humanity; body, soul and spirit. To some the word intimacy is interchangeable with the word sex. To others the word intimacy is the secret code word for love and acceptance like they’ve never had before. But to me it represents three simple words that convey some much.

Intimacy = INTO ME SEE

And once someone develops intimacy with themself or with another person what they are really saying are these three words.

I LOVE YOU!

Go look in the mirror and see if you can find the “you” with whom you need to develop your intimate relationship with.

Don’t wait until Monday, do it today.