Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Give and Take: Give and Take By Jay Jay Speaks May 30, 2012 I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all but one from...

Give and Take

Give and Take

By Jay Jay Speaks

May 30, 2012

I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all but one from which I learned a very valuable lesson.

There are some who will argue this point with me, but I think it’s safe for me to say that “I AM A GIVER.” I have given of myself, my time, my money, my life, my knowledge, my wisdom, my muscle (what little I have), my patience, my love, my effort and my heart to family, friends, co-workers, students, neighbors, strangers and even foes. I’m not saying that I’m “Mother Theresa” but I tend to be a very generous person with my possessions, sometimes to a fault.

I’d be lying if I said that being a “giver” is always a good thing. There have been times when I’ve given more than I should have and had to pay the price. Sometimes that price was a lack of what I needed to pay my bills, take care of myself properly, or at the expense of my own esteem. I’ve given into bullies, partners, children, parents, siblings, supervisors, co-workers, and friends on issues that were extremely important to me in the name of peace and harmony, as well as deference and cowardice.

I’m not proud to admit all of this but I think it is important for me to confess this because I know I’m not the only one. Even if no one else benefits from that confession and this essay it is a purging of my soul to the “universe” so that I don’t need to carry this around anymore. So back to my opening…

“I got my feelings hurt recently, it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all but one from which I learned a very valuable lesson.”

The lesson I learned was about me. I was on a mission, a mission that had a hidden agenda. This agenda was so well hidden I didn’t know it was there until I had to deal with the frustration, pain and disappointment that resulted from my GIVING. I’ve just come through a stretch of time where I shelled out a lot of money, time, effort and energy to make people happy. This period of time consisted of starting a new job I wasn’t thrilled about, celebrating 3 birthdays, and Mother’s Day. All of these occasions call for celebration and most are honored with gift giving. The amount of money that was spent during this period of time isn’t important although it is safe to say the dollar amount is well into the 4 figure category.

As the “GIVING HIGH” started to wear off, I found myself feeling down. (This is where the valuable lesson came in) I couldn’t figure out why I was starting to feel upset and depressed. I was able to buy some really good gifts for people I cared about, everyone was healthy and seemed somewhat appreciative of my efforts. When I asked myself what was wrong, the answer that came back from inside of me was, “NOW WHAT?” Huh? “Now what?” I asked myself, what does this mean? As I pondered this question I began to realize that I was a “SELFISH GIVER.”

A “selfish giver” is a person who gives to other people with a self-centered, egotistical or selfish motive. I had to sit with this thought and really exam myself. How could I be selfish when I had just showered my family with meals out, new clothing, new toys, family outings, cash in their hands and gifts? How could I be selfish when I had put my dream and ambition on pause to start a job I didn’t want? How could I be selfish when I’d just provided presents for my wife’s birthday, my daughter’s birthday, my son’s birthday and four mother’s on Mother’s Day?

The answer was, because I was giving to them but expecting something back!

I was expecting a level of gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation, perhaps even indebtedness that, in many ways, negates the implied benevolence of giving.  Those who know the bible may be familiar with some of these passages:

·         Freely you have received, freely give. (Matthew 10:8)