Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Lonely Decision

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Lonely Decision: Lonely Decision by Jay Jay Speaks February 7, 2012 According to sources in the Los Angeles coroner’s office, the February 1, 2012 death o...

Lonely Decision

Lonely Decision

by Jay Jay Speaks

February 7, 2012

According to sources in the Los Angeles coroner’s office, the February 1, 2012 death of TV pioneer Don Corneilus (host, director and producer of Soul Train, the longest running music television show in history) is officially being ruled a “suicide.”

This will come as a disappointment to many people, particularly many in the African-American community. I’ve already read and heard many black people comment that, they “can’t believe that Don Corneilus actually killed himself,” as if suicide is the forbidden decision for black Americans. Long is the history of denial, refusal and community delusion when it comes to the African American community and the issue of suicide.

For many African Americans it is far easier to grasp the concept that a family member or loved one accidentally overdosed on drugs or alcohol, or was senselessly gunned down in the streets than to come to grips with the reality that a black person may have taken their own life. We can more easily allow ourselves to devise elaborate conspiracy theories of how someone in power (police, politicians or drug kingpins) arranged for someone to be taken out through a conversion of circumstances than to admit that someone we know and cared about reached a conclusion that they would end their own life rather than continue to endure whatever tragedy, depression, sickness, illness, bullying or lack of acceptance their current reality brings. I mean so many of us in the black community think killing yourself is “the coward’s way out of hardship.” Recently I even had one guy tell me, “Killing yourself is the bitch move!”

At some point we in the black community need to stop with the lies, and let go of the denial. The honest truth is that there is no special dispensation from depression bestowed upon African-Americans. There is no innate emotional shield from the darkness that can possess a person’s soul. Just because our ancestors endured 400+ years of chattel slavery and another 100 years of Jim Crow segregation doesn’t remove us from the modern human experience.  Before any black American beat their chests and brag on the toughness of our people for enduring slavery, please keep in mind that thousands and thousands of Africans threw themselves overboard into the Atlantic ocean rather than continue on the journey of the middle passage .We hurt, we cry, we suffer and sometimes we die at our own hands just like every other nationality, ethnicity, race, culture and community of people participating in this American experience. Perhaps we don’t participate in suicide at the same rate as other demographic groups, I don’t know. Or perhaps we find ways to hide our suicides amongst the senseless shootings, deaths and urban crime statistics. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

I know a few things for sure. I know for sure that I have encountered several black people who have either attempted suicide or at least seriously contemplated it. I have known a few, some who were very close to me, who keep this as their big deep dark secret. They shared their secret with me, either because I shared mine with them first or they sensed that I’d understand if they told me this thing they couldn’t share with anyone else. I spoke to one of these people this week in fact. Alarmed by their text messages, I sat in my family room trying to devise a strategy to encourage them to select an alternative to the decision they texted me they had reached.  I am glad this person didn’t follow through on their train of thought and course of action. I’m so glad that they decided to fight, to push and to endure the curious questioning of “why God isn’t there and why they had to be the eternal outcast in their famiy and amongst their friends? ” I’m glad they decided to find more reasons to draw breath than reasons to stop taking it in. I’m glad because I would miss that person dearly. I would miss them selfishly. I would miss them and somewhere in my sorrow, I’d be jealous that they had the conviction to do what I have thought about doing.

Suicide is our dirty little secret. It’s the family secret we don’t talk about in front of strangers or in front of family. We gloss over the facts and deny the truth, the truth that we all knew about all along. We ignore the message and the cries for help. We cover them up with scriptures, and soul food. We hide them behind marijuana and alcohol. We numb these messages by have sex, lots of sex, lots of premarital, extra-marital, promiscuous sex. But no matter how much we deny, ignore, cover-up, hide or numb the pleas for help, they are always there. ALWAYS.

We must commit to loving one another honestly and listening to one another sincerely. The next time someone talks about killing themselves or is going through a real rough time (weeks, months, years, or tragedy) don’t simply blow off their comments, jokes, midnight tears on the phone or cryptic text messages or Facebook posts. Go meet them where they are (geographically and emotionally) and let them know you care. Let them know how much they mean to you, then do the best most endearing loving thing you can do…TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY AND LISTEN TO THEIR PAIN. Sometimes listening can be enough to make them decide to try again, to love again, to marry again, to have faith again, to live again and to…BREATHE AGAIN.

REST IN PEACE Brother Don Corneilus.

You were the conductor of the “HIPPEST RIDE IN AMERICA!” We’re should all be sorry we didn’t understand the depths of your pain. May you find in death what you could not find in life.

I wish you, “Love, Peace and Soul!”

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? part 1

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? part 1: Wednesday Wisdom by Jay Jay Speaks February 1, 2012 “Can You Handle The Truth?” Part 1 I’ve been gone for a while, some of you have notic...

CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? part 1

Wednesday Wisdom

by Jay Jay Speaks

February 1, 2012

“Can You Handle The Truth?”

Part 1

I’ve been gone for a while, some of you have noticed and perhaps others haven't. Perhaps some have missed my observations and musings and still others never read any of my writings at all. Regardless of your familiarity with my blog, notes or postings, I stopped writing in October of 2011. I stopped because my spirit was broken. I felt that the things I “had hoped for, based on the evidence of things unseen” were untrue. I felt that I had nothing left to offer that anyone would consider helpful, inspirational or motivational, let alone educational as the description of my blog says.

Well I’m back and perhaps I don’t have anything “worthy” to offer but once again I am feeling compelled to share with the universe where I am. Perhaps it is my ego’s attempt to matter, to make a difference or somehow be acknowledged. It may even be my feeble attempt to leave literary “footprints” in the blogosphere that I actually existed at some point. A trail or trace that can be stumbled upon if someone does a Google Search and finds one of my entries decades from now. I admit I am probably guilty of some or all of those motives, but I’m back nonetheless.

I’m living through a low season of life. I challenged God to be real in my life, to actually guide, direct and lead me into whatever destiny “HE” had for me, rather than the plans I designed. I took a huge figurative and literal LEAP of FAITH. This leap was easy enough to take in the spirit; it was painfully scary, terrifying and humongous in reality. 

I went in search of “THE TRUTH” of whether God was real.

Wow….Yeah I say it. I went in search of “THE TRUTH.”

Dictionary.com defines truth (noun),

1. the true or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth.

2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.

3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.

4. the state or character of being true.

5. actuality or actual existence.

 This same resource documents that acceptable synonyms for the word TRUTH are:  fact, veracity, sincerity, candor, frankness, precision, exactness. These are all words that I consider complimentary and honorable. I thought this is a noble pursuit one that will surely bring me closer the Lord. For John 4:24 says, “For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”

I wanted to know if after being raised in the church, professing Christ for 3/4ths of my life, if it was really working or if I had just made some “good choices” and was doing it by myself and was giving a non-existent entity credit. I wanted to know “THE TRUTH.” I reasoned with myself that I just wanted to know the truth so that I could know in my heart of hearts that I was living a life worth living. I don’t know why this became so important, but I can tell you that it was. I wanted John 8:32 to not only be a nice catch phrase for someone who wanted to feel self-righteous, I wanted it to be applicable to my life. John 8:32 (KJV) “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

What I didn’t anticipate was that pursuing the answer to this question would take me on a roller coast ride that I couldn’t get off of because it got scary. I didn’t know that the deep end, would be so dark, cold and isolating. I didn’t know that the loneliness would be so pervasive and isolating. I didn’t know that pursuing “THE TRUTH” would cause some friends to turn their backs, and allow others to snicker publicly at my disarray. I didn’t know that chasing “THE TRUTH” would disconnect me from loved ones who had always been the beacon of light and arms of comfort in troubled times. I couldn’t have known that pursuing “THE TRUTH” would cause me to be an atheist for 6-days in the summer and early fall of 2011. I didn’t know that this journey would cause to so severely question the paradigm of God that I was given in Sunday school.

I thought this would be an exciting awakening, one that would produce a light on the inside that could not be extinguished by man or demonic force. I thought God would be there ever step to be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. I thought a lot of things and I’m finding out a lot more.

I’ve come to realize that I’m not sure if I “CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH.”

I do know two things at this point. #1 I am not the same person I was 1-year ago and #2 I am not finished walking yet.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE, and I’m going to find it.

I’m going to find “THE TRUTH” or die trying…

I’m baaaaack!!!!!!!!! READY OR NOT HERE I COME!

Please and Thank You

Sometimes the lessons we learn early in life are the lessons that stay with us throughout our life. It is those early lessons we don't understand as children that become foundational building blocks for the adults we become.
All of us were told as children to remember to say "please" when we asked for something and "thank-you" when we received it. But as adults "please" and "thank-you" fall by the wayside as we try to keep up with the demands of life and making a living. Many of us forget the little niceties of life and undervalue how small things make a big difference. In some ways our lack of remembrance is disrespectful to life.

As we look at life through a telescope we see how small we are compared to what's out there in the universe. A telescope allows us to look up or look out at what is outside of ourselves and our world. We see shooting stars, planets, comets and celestial bodies in the heavens. Looking at life through a microscope we can see how large we are compared to what's inside us and our internal universe. A microscope shows us the complexity within and the universe of microscopic life and the seemingly invisible universal just under our surface.

When we remember to say "please" and "thank-you" we honor both the macro-universe and our micro-universe. Please is an acknowledgement that we need something from someone or something outside of ourselves. Saying thank you shows gratitude from inside of us for the help or assistance we received. They are small things, often unimportant on the surface but crucial to our spirit. Foundations are seldom scene and often nothing we would normally pay attention to. But foundations are critical the higher up we go.

Today remember to say "please" and "thank-you."

Playing the Game of Life

Playing the Game of Life

October 20, 2011

Life is not fair; get used to it.
Bill Gates

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
Oscar Wilde

If you watch the news for any period of time lately you have seen a story on the “Occupy Wall Street” protestors. It can be hard to discern what the protestors are demanding or asking for but the gist of what I’ve gathered is that, the protestors are upset about the perceived “unfairness” of Wall Street wealth. I have a young daughter who is ever vigilant about who is getting something that she doesn’t get. Her favorite phrase is “Hey, that’s not fair!” Some of you had a parent, coach, grandparent or elder say the following words to you at some point while you were growing up, “LIFE’S NOT FAIR.” And the honest truth is the protestors, my daughter, my parents and your elder were all correct! Life is not fair.

The cruel, sad, hard, unadulterated truth is this thing we call life is not fair. Life does not always produce equity, equal-ness or deserved outcomes. You can define fair anyway you want, but when you pour over the data, read the biographies, look at the statistics and open your cognitive gates you must reach the same conclusion. Good things happen to bad people, and even more disturbing than that, bad things happen to good people. “Hey that’s not fair!”  For the holy rollers and holy readers the word of God even demonstrates this inherent unfairness. I’ll use the story of Job as an example. In the bible Job was said to be a righteous man. Job was wealthy, blessed and wise. Job honored God, yet he was still allowed to suffer. “Hey, that’s not fair!” So my conclusion is something that maybe sobering to you but regardless of your doctrine, dogma, beliefs and believed-lies if you live long enough you too will conclude that LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

So once we come to grips with this fact, how do we muster the strength to still try to achieve, live, thrive, and succeed in life? My answer is we can find the strength by learning to play the game.

There is a board game called LIFE. Some of you may have played the game when you were a kid. Now I realize that the concept of “board games” may be foreign to those who were raised and weaned on technology and video games. The following is a description of the game of LIFE from the Toys R Us website:

“The Hasbro Game of Life will take you through all the crazy turns and spins of real life, and you are behind the wheel! Decide whether you want to go to college or start a career. Or maybe the family life better suits your style. Take whichever path you’d like to watch your fortune grow or diminish, depending on the choices you make along the way. Earn LIFE tiles and money by doing good deeds as you travel through the game. Included are the game board, six plastic pawns, three mountains, one bridge and more. Use all of these accessories to make your way to the end of the game, and hope that the choices you’ve made along the way have allowed you to retire with more wealth than anyone else!”

LIFE much like the game, is not totally fair. There are no guarantees and there are no “lock-stock” assurances. You can make all the right decisions and still end up bankrupt, divorced, childless or have your life cut short by disease. You can make too many of the wrong choices and still catch enough breaks that you end up living well and for a long time.

In this game called LIFE you are the pawn, there are decisions to make, and surprises in store for you. There will be mountains to climb, bridges to cross, setbacks and more. There will be disappointments, disasters and distractions. In the game of LIFE you will see other players catch breaks they don’t deserve, and others who can’t get around the board with any grace, luck, fortune or success. The game involves luck, which is unearned and unfair. The game involves risk, which is scary and unnerving. The game of LIFE requires the willingness to play and an ability to rebound from the pitfalls, the patience to wait your turn and the desire to roll the dice when handed to you.

Life is not fair. The rain falls on the just and the unjust alike (NIV, Matthew 5:45) so before you decide to play, bring an umbrella.

Divine Disasters & Holy Hell

Wednesday Wisdom

by Jay Jay Speaks

October 12, 2011

Divine Disasters & Holy Hell

Many of you reading this will find this thought provoking and will do nothing. Other who read this will find enough merit to consider action. While yet a smaller group will allow these seeds to grow in their lives to the point where the harvest will be action. I’m not sure which group you fall into, but I want to say thank you for reading.

It isn’t unusual in today’s times to find family, friends and acquaintances going through hard or difficult times. I’m sure everyone reading this column can think of someone going through an ordeal concerning their personal relationships, their career (work), their money or health. We can place a name and face next to each of those categories, including our own. For those of you who are people of faith, you have probably prayed about these concerns and asked the Lord, to guide you, strengthen you, and save you. For many you may have also decided to fast for a period of time seeking divine guidance from above to rescue you from your current turmoil. I’m not casting any stones at those seeking HOLY HELP or DIVINE DIRECTION as to the solution to their problems but I do want to pose this curious question.

WHAT IF IT IS GOD WHO HAS ALLOWED OR CREATED YOUR TURMOIL? What if it is God who has caused the personal disaster you are experiencing? If it is God, what do you do now?

If you consider that the “all powerful,” “all knowing,” “all seeing,” “all present” God many people profess to serve is allowing your marriage to be turned upside down, is allowing your workplace to become hostile and spiritually violent, is allowing your financial investments to tank, is allowing your personal relationships (romantic or platonic) to sour, one must ask the question…”WHY?”

Why would God allow me to suffer? Why would God allow my family to begin to fall apart? Why would God jeopardize my job? Why would God allow my enemies to prevail against me? Why? Why? Why?

Anyone raised in the church or who knows “church folks” has heard the phrase, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” I’m not 100% sure what that means in every circumstance but here is something I have learned through my own recent hardships. People want to be comfortable. Most people if not 99% of the people out there want to reach a level of comfort where they can “seem” to be working and growing but “actually” have it on autopilot. Being comfortable usually means you stop moving forward. Being comfortable usually means you’re not as hungry as you were when you were uncomfortable. Being comfortable means it’s easy and likely that you are going to relax.

If you are not moving forward, not as hungry, taking it easy and relaxed God probably has something else, someone else, somewhere else he wants you to be. And being “ALL” that he is he knows that unless he troubles your waters and destroys the easy life you were setting up that YOU WILL NEVER GET THERE!

This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want you to have a nice life but let’s be honest (here is where you’re going to get upset) there are many people who:

·         Married the wrong person

·         Had a child with the wrong person

·         Have gotten in the wrong job

·         Settled for the first opportunity that came along

·         Have allowed insecurity to make their decisions

·         Have let selfishness influence their life

·         Have decided that they want what/who they want

·         Have allowed other’s expectations to dictate their behavior their entire lives

·         Or perhaps are SIMPLY AFRAID TO LIVE WITH COURAGE

If you consider the possibility that your storm may be divinely created, then you are praying to the person who created your trouble. You are asking that person to stop the storm, but why would he stop what he created without achieving his desired effect? What if God doesn’t want your storm to stop until, you stop. Until you stop doing it your way, stop living your way, stop living safely while professing Philippians 4:13, stop watching life pass you by.

Evaluate your trouble and ask yourself, if you have become lazy and soft. If those adjectives don’t suit you then ask yourself if you have become “COMFORTABLE.” Comfort isn’t a sin, but perhaps being comfortable with the wrong person, at the wrong job, in the wrong situation, in the wrong relationship at the wrong level, is the sin that he is trying to save you from.

Consider that today don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!