Before You Say "I DO"

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

Before You Say “I DO”

March 28, 2012

 Spring fever is spreading like contagion across many parts of the country. As the weather breaks, signs are everywhere that life is beginning anew. You can see flowers blooming, hear birds chirping outside of your window in the morning, and the joggers are out trying to get into get back into shape and shed those winter pounds.

Spring is also the season for the wedding plans and weddings planned. The bridal shops are all a buzz as months and months of planning come down to final fittings and last minute alterations, much to the chagrin of many of bridesmaid, you do indeed have to wear that hideous dress in front of hundreds of people.

Regardless of whether the signs of spring are apparent to you, the calendar is still true and spring is coming.  This note is not intended for impending brides or impended upon grooms but rather for anyone and everyone seeking to live a better life, a more purposeful life and a happier life.

In our American society the (traditional) vows spoken at marriage ceremonies go something like this

“I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” (Traditional Wedding Vows 1)

That version is closely followed by this other popular rendition

“I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” (Traditional Wedding Vows 2)

While millions of little girls dream of the day they can stand in their flowing wedding gown, all eyes adorned upon them as the love of their life pledges unending and undying commitment and love to her and as millions of young men growing into maturity begin to contemplate the desire for life long partnership and commitment with a lover who will always be faithful and true, seldom does either give thought to their first and most important marriage. All too often the first marriage, which is IGNORED, NEGLECTED or NEVER HELD is the one that will lay the ground work and foundation for the life they wish to share with someone else.

The first marriage I’m alluding to is the marriage that all happy, well adjusted, balanced people have with themselves.  Now before  you let your mind race to 1990’s images of former NBA star Dennis Rodman’s publicity stunt marriage to himself (do yourself a favor and DO NOT Google those pictures), I am suggesting that the LIFE LONG COMMITMENT TO LOVE YOURSELF is the foundation upon which you should build a life with someone else.

Let’s look at the traditional wedding vows again, but this time place your name in all of the fill in the blank spaces. It may sound egotistical but do it anyway. Say the vows to yourself out loud, perhaps even say them while looking in the mirror, just as you would say them to your bride or groom to be.

Here’s how it would sound for me, “I, Jay Jay Speaks, take you, Jay Jay Speaks, to be, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

Sounds kind of “goofy” doesn’t it but I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to do it! I dare you to do it with the same seriousness, and purpose with which you would take these vows with another. I dare you to really research in your heart what it means to LOVE YOURSELF enough to want to take these vows in front of family, friends and the world. For some this may be no big deal. But making commitment to others means nothing if you are not first committed to yourself.

 Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

If you married someone else before you married yourself that’s ok. I think in this case they shouldn’t mind. If they do then...ummm you may have married the wrong person first. L

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Stop Chasing Secrets

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Stop Chasing Secrets: Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks Stop Chasing Secrets March 14, 2012 As I’ve grown older, read more, leapt outside of my comfort zone, l...

Stop Chasing Secrets

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

Stop Chasing Secrets

March 14, 2012

As I’ve grown older, read more, leapt outside of my comfort zone, lived up to expectations and collapsed under the pressure of some expectations, aged and grown wiser I have learned at least one valuable lesson I want to share with you all today.

That lesson is if you really want to live a life that is full of abundance, happiness, success and fulfillment “STOP CHASING SECRETS.” 

In 1995 the female R&B group TLC had a hit song called, “Waterfalls” and in the chorus of the song they sang, “Don't go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to. I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all, but I think you're moving too fast.” Now in their song they were referring to the temptations and traps people fall into when they are chasing imaginary happiness when happiness is right where they are (at least that’s my opinion of their song). You see it is my assertion that when we chase some mysterious “secret” that someone else knows that we don’t, we are:

1) Setting ourselves up to be victims and

2) Allowing ourselves to get distracted from what we really should be doing

What should we really be doing? We should seek the KEYS that will unlock the life of abundance, happiness, success and fulfillment will desire.  If we believe that someone else knows a secret that contains the answers we are seeking then we preoccupy ourselves with meeting those people, befriending those people gaining the trust of those people and then having to appease them until they “trust us” with this secret information. But what if you can never accomplish all of those things? Does that doom you to a life that is lacking that abundance, happiness, success and fulfillment? Why hang the ability for you to achieve abundance on someone else and what they are willing to tell you? Why allow yourself to be the victim? This role of victimhood is one that far too many (myself included) people are comfortable with in life. Too many people find it easy to say, “Well it must be nice for them, I wish someone would of (fill in the blank) or If only I had been told (fill in the blank)…” Victimhood gets comfortable after a while because we can simply look back and say, “Well they didn’t want me to know…”

I admonish you to get the KEYS, to the life you want. You can obtain the KEYS to unlock the life you want if you want them bad enough. You don’t need to play the victim. You can release yourself from believing that someone other there is somehow controlling your destiny by hiding this secret information. I know it’s appealing for the authors, lectures, advertisers and such to produce books, TV shows, and informational opportunities that promise the SECRETS TO SUCCESS, the SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE, the SECRET TO BECOMING A MILLIONAIRE, the SECRETS TO EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP etc., but the honest truth is there really aren’t many if any secrets. What they are reporting as secrets are usually industry practices, sound principles or little know techniques that can enhance success in a given endeavor but not guarantee it.

Keys are things that we all know we can obtain. You obtain the keys to your apartment or house when you sign your lease or mortgage. You get the keys to your new car when you sign the lease agreement or purchase the vehicle. You get the key to your partner’s heart when you let them know you love them and will be faithful and true. The point being you know that you can earn, learn or obtain the keys, there is NO secret.

Keys are obtainable, secrets by nature need to be known only to a select few people and held in confidence or else the information ceases to be a secret. Anyone who has joined a fraternity or sorority like I did stood on the outside of the organization and wondered, "What are the secrets that those people know that I don’t." What is the secret password, handshake, oath, promises and ritual are the questions that may have occupied your mind. Then once you were initiated into the organization, as the “secrets” were revealed you realized that many of the secrets aren’t really secrets at all but information that holds sacred or special significance to the organization not because of the nature of the information but because of the significance YOUR organization places on it. You also realize if you are going to be honest, that knowing those “secrets” only makes you feel “special” when you encounter someone else who wants to join your organization. You know it’s true.

My point DON’T GO CHASING WATERFALLS, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to. Don’t go CHASING SECRETS, in the end you’ll find that those secrets can already be known by obtaining the KEYS (through reading, learning from other’s experiences, listening to sound counsel/advice, studying and most importantly activating the knowledge you gain) that are already available to you. Seize control of the direction of your life and use the KEYS you obtain to unlock the door to the abundance you want.

Go get your KEYS today.

 Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: The Power Of Hope

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: The Power Of Hope: Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks The Power of Hope March 7, 2012 As an educator I have spent the last 20 years of my life working with a...

The Power Of Hope

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

The Power of Hope

March 7, 2012

As an educator I have spent the last 20 years of my life working with adolescents and young adults in the high school and college setting. Over the last decade I’ve dedicated my professional efforts to working with multicultural or underrepresented minority students. I was drawn to this population out of a personal passion to help young people whose backgrounds were similar to mine. I wanted to be a role model, a mentor, a living breathing “real model” to people who needed to believe that they could accomplish with their lives what they dreamed and HOPED for. I found this work to be frustrating and exhausting but very rewarding.

The frustration you run into in the helping professions is answering the question “How do you help someone who doesn’t want to help himself?” My conclusion is simple, YOU CAN’T. While arriving at this conclusion it became clear to me that there is a powerful force that we must respect, harness and direct to get people to want to help themselves. That force is called HOPE.  If we can channel this force we can do almost anything.

We when think of power or powerful forces we often think of the might of a natural disaster such as hurricane Katrina, or perhaps a tsunami. If you live in the Midwest maybe you think of an F5 tornado that can lay waste to an entire town in just a matter of minutes. Others may picture in their mind’s eye a political or historic figure, someone who by the force of their personality or ideology changed the economic, cultural or military course of a country or the world. When I think of power, I think about the something as small as HOPE.

Hope can mean different things to different people, so for the sake of linguistic clarity consider a dictionary explanation, Dictionary.com defines HOPE as:

(Noun) the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; a person or thing in which expectations are centered (Verb; used without object) to feel that something desired may happen

Those with a particular religious reference point may be familiar with this passage 1 Corinthians 13:13 (KJV) “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”

People need to have hope in their lives to feel their lives are worth fighting for. If a person can no longer feel hopeful they find it easier and easier to just simply give up. A student who does not have any hope that they will be able to conquer a course will give up trying to do so. An inner city youth who has no hope for a better life than what he sees on the streets everyday will find himself engaged in a culture of violence, drugs, high-risk behavior that will greatly increase his odds for nothing better. A woman who has no hope that anyone will ever love her, will allow herself to be used for the immediate sexual gratification of others. Someone who has run out of hope has run out of the will to try. Where there is no hope there is no effort. Where there is no hope there is no faith. Where there is no hope there is nothing worth fighting for.

You see hope is so small that it can fit inside of FAITH. Hope allows us to see what isn’t there yet, but could be. Hope breathes life into what might be one day.

Hope is a powerful force. The ability to believe is one of the most powerful forces man has. It is with hope that we believe. It is that belief that energizes our faith. And it is with that faith that we act to bring about the substance of what we HOPED for. If you want to change a life, give it HOPE. How do you do that? It’s simple.  Do what you can, whenever you can to,

H.and

O.ther

P.eople

E.ncouragement

I came across this quote about HOPE by Sri Chinmoy that I thought was beautifully fitting to my sentiments.

“Hope and faith are two intimate brothers; they always go together.

Hope nourishes faith and faith treasures hope.”

Go give someone some HOPE! Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: “Learning From the Angry Birds”

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: “Learning From the Angry Birds”: Wednesday Wisdom by Jay Jay Speaks February 29, 2012 “Learning From the Angry Birds” I recently had to send my cell phone out to be repaire...

“Learning From the Angry Birds”

Wednesday Wisdom

by Jay Jay Speaks

February 29, 2012

“Learning From the Angry Birds”

I recently had to send my cell phone out to be repaired and the technician informed me that I’d have to download all of my applications again when my phone was returned. I didn’t think much of it until I got my phone back and began trying to capture all the games, books and applications I had previously used on my Smartphone. When I downloaded an updated version of “Angry Birds,” the smartphone phenomena that rocked the android market a couple of years ago, I realized all my scores and Angry Bird conquests had been wiped out and would have to be accomplished again.

As I started making my way through the various levels of Angry Birds it struck me that this silly, simple, addictive electronic application contained some key points for success in life.  Now this isn’t the most philosophically profound realization but it struck me as funny how much Angry Birds contained lessons for life.  For those who have never played Angry Birds let me give you a quick rundown.

The game consists of a series of screens that go from easy to more challenging or difficult. As you master and move through each scene you are slowing completing all the requisites for that level. Once you completely meet the challenges of one level you are elevated to a higher level of challenge which consists of another gauntlet of screens that you must master before moving on to a more challenging level.  In each scene you slingshot “birds” into structures that must be demolished. Within these structures, which are made of differing materials (glass, wood, metal, rock), you must also destroy the evil mocking pig heads. Your weapons are the angry birds, of which you are only given a limited number so you must understand the special skill each bird has and you must employ their skill at the right time.

Now here are the birds (weapons)

Red - The red bird is your most basic weapon. There isn't really much going on with this little guy. The higher you launch the bird before allowing it to strike a structure, the more damage it will do.

Blue - The blue bird will break into three smaller, but similar birds when the screen is touched. These birds are especially handy at taking out glass structures. If you touch the screen right before the bird strikes the glass, allowing the three birds to hit the glass at once, you will completely destroy it, allowing for some major damage to be dealt to your enemies.

Yellow - The yellow bird specializes in long distances. In fact, there will be levels where certain parts are only accessible by launching a yellow bird and activating its boost power right out of the gate.

White - The white birds can be used as a weapon in two different ways. When you hit the screen, causing the bird to drop a large explosive egg, your original bird still flies forward. This means that if you activate the egg just in front of a structure you can do damage with the egg bomb as well as your bird which will strike the upper portion of the structure.

Black - Black birds are the heaviest birds in the game, and can be used to topple structures in addition to the explosion it generates once settling. Launch the bird at a super steep angle and allow it to bust to the bottom of large structures for massive damage.

Green - The green bird is advertised as the boomerang bird, but it can be much more than that. You can use the bird to launch straight into a structure and deal intense damage. Remember though, once the bird has touched a structure it can no longer activate its boomerang function.

Now in life we may not be issued a collection of “angry birds” to fire at mocking pigs but we are given certain gifts and talents. We are given the opportunity to use these gifts and talents but sometimes that isn’t enough. For many of us we have to learn how to employ strategy to know when and how to use our gifts and talents to maximize our opportunity for success. Often we have to fail several times before we begin to recognize that using our weapons incorrectly is as disastrous as not using them at all. There is something about seeing and hearing that grunting smirking pig letting you know you failed that makes you wanna hit the TRY AGAIN button on the game to start the scene over.

Other lessons we learn from Angry Birds is that no matter how quickly or slowly, you conquer a scene there is another challenge waiting for you right around the corner. The frustration can be that once you get on a roll knocking out scene after scene the game will produce a scene that at first glance seems impossible to conquer based on the limited number of weapons you are given and the seemingly impenetrable structures that are protecting those miserably little pigs.  But Angry Bird veterans know, just like those who are wise in life, that if the game only gave you 4 birds, three of which are black and one tiny blue bird, that the enemy can be defeat by just using these weapons if we employ them strategically, appropriately and with the precise timing programmed into the parameters of the game.

So the next time you find yourself needing to knock down some arrogant pig-headed people, errr scratch that I meant, playing the game “Angry Birds” remember that the game is teaching you something about life. Study your opponent, take inventory of your gifts and talents, sharpen your skills, and LET THOSE ANGRY BIRDS FLY!!!!

Go play “Angry Birds” today, don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!