CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? part 1

Wednesday Wisdom

by Jay Jay Speaks

February 1, 2012

“Can You Handle The Truth?”

Part 1

I’ve been gone for a while, some of you have noticed and perhaps others haven't. Perhaps some have missed my observations and musings and still others never read any of my writings at all. Regardless of your familiarity with my blog, notes or postings, I stopped writing in October of 2011. I stopped because my spirit was broken. I felt that the things I “had hoped for, based on the evidence of things unseen” were untrue. I felt that I had nothing left to offer that anyone would consider helpful, inspirational or motivational, let alone educational as the description of my blog says.

Well I’m back and perhaps I don’t have anything “worthy” to offer but once again I am feeling compelled to share with the universe where I am. Perhaps it is my ego’s attempt to matter, to make a difference or somehow be acknowledged. It may even be my feeble attempt to leave literary “footprints” in the blogosphere that I actually existed at some point. A trail or trace that can be stumbled upon if someone does a Google Search and finds one of my entries decades from now. I admit I am probably guilty of some or all of those motives, but I’m back nonetheless.

I’m living through a low season of life. I challenged God to be real in my life, to actually guide, direct and lead me into whatever destiny “HE” had for me, rather than the plans I designed. I took a huge figurative and literal LEAP of FAITH. This leap was easy enough to take in the spirit; it was painfully scary, terrifying and humongous in reality. 

I went in search of “THE TRUTH” of whether God was real.

Wow….Yeah I say it. I went in search of “THE TRUTH.”

Dictionary.com defines truth (noun),

1. the true or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth.

2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.

3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.

4. the state or character of being true.

5. actuality or actual existence.

 This same resource documents that acceptable synonyms for the word TRUTH are:  fact, veracity, sincerity, candor, frankness, precision, exactness. These are all words that I consider complimentary and honorable. I thought this is a noble pursuit one that will surely bring me closer the Lord. For John 4:24 says, “For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”

I wanted to know if after being raised in the church, professing Christ for 3/4ths of my life, if it was really working or if I had just made some “good choices” and was doing it by myself and was giving a non-existent entity credit. I wanted to know “THE TRUTH.” I reasoned with myself that I just wanted to know the truth so that I could know in my heart of hearts that I was living a life worth living. I don’t know why this became so important, but I can tell you that it was. I wanted John 8:32 to not only be a nice catch phrase for someone who wanted to feel self-righteous, I wanted it to be applicable to my life. John 8:32 (KJV) “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

What I didn’t anticipate was that pursuing the answer to this question would take me on a roller coast ride that I couldn’t get off of because it got scary. I didn’t know that the deep end, would be so dark, cold and isolating. I didn’t know that the loneliness would be so pervasive and isolating. I didn’t know that pursuing “THE TRUTH” would cause some friends to turn their backs, and allow others to snicker publicly at my disarray. I didn’t know that chasing “THE TRUTH” would disconnect me from loved ones who had always been the beacon of light and arms of comfort in troubled times. I couldn’t have known that pursuing “THE TRUTH” would cause me to be an atheist for 6-days in the summer and early fall of 2011. I didn’t know that this journey would cause to so severely question the paradigm of God that I was given in Sunday school.

I thought this would be an exciting awakening, one that would produce a light on the inside that could not be extinguished by man or demonic force. I thought God would be there ever step to be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. I thought a lot of things and I’m finding out a lot more.

I’ve come to realize that I’m not sure if I “CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH.”

I do know two things at this point. #1 I am not the same person I was 1-year ago and #2 I am not finished walking yet.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE, and I’m going to find it.

I’m going to find “THE TRUTH” or die trying…

I’m baaaaack!!!!!!!!! READY OR NOT HERE I COME!