Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks
It’s Your Responsibility!
April 11, 2012
This week’s topic is one that should concern each and every individual drawing breath on earth, whether they ever read this or not. Everyone is trying to find their way towards “HAPPINESS.” Some people will spend their entire life pursuing “happiness” and may never be successful in their pursuit. Others have experienced “happiness” but lost it somehow and don’t believe they’ll ever have it again. Still others believe that they don’t deserve to be “happy” therefore their current state of malaise and perpetual feeling of BLAH are accepted as being normal. Occasionally we encounter the person who just seems to find a reason, any reason, to be “happy”. This person may be the perky, “Good morning” co-worker, who always seems to have a smile on her face or a whistle on his lips as they walk past your office (or cubicle).
This week, a simple thought inspired this article. The thought has been circulating around in my head looking for an exit. That thought is, “EACH OF US IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS.” This thought may not be rocket science to many of you, but as I continued to think about the implications of this simple statement I realized that there is depth and width to this thing. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness, means I AM IN CHARGE OF MAKING ME HAPPY. Wow!
This means if I am in charge of making Jay Jay Speaks happy, then you are in charge of making YOU happy as well. Now I’m not talking about pursuing transient pleasure or the temporary release of endorphins but real genuine “happiness” with the life you have. I’ve said for years that each person “HAS TO FIGHT FOR THE LIFE THEY WANT.” I want to add to that quote and say each person, “MUST FIGHT FOR THEIR OWN HAPPINESS.”
Even though we live in a society where so many people want to bypass their obligations, many others neglect their duties and still others simple refuse to accept any responsibility for their behavior, actions and the consequences that result. We cannot give the responsibility for our “happiness” to anyone other than the person who lives in our skin. It’s simply futile to expect your parents, spouse, siblings, family, friends, roommate, classmates, lover, preacher, pastor, bishop, rabbi, co-workers, boss or neighbor to make YOU happy. The best we can expect is to be happy with the relationships we have and the contributions others make in our lives. But it is not anyone else’s job to make little ole you or big ole me “happy!”
This revelation was huge to me. It was so simple but so important for me to digest and let it nourish me. This is an empowering statement but also one that carries with it a tremendous weight and responsibility. Being responsible for my own happiness means I need to make decisions that will contribute to me being happy. I have to choose an outlook in life that will make me happy. I have to accept the outcomes that result from those decisions or result from my outlook and still be happy. It’s a healthy selfishness I guess. Hmmmm…”HEALTHY SELFISHNESS” I THINK I LIKE THAT PHRASE.
If I accept that I am responsible for making me happy, then I need to research and investigate what is it that would really make me happy? Then I have to ask how to I attain, achieve or acquire the things that will truly make me happy? This may take some of you a while to really answer these questions and come up with a plan. I think I know what my answers are and I think it’s time to get to work. For those who may be looking for some additional direction as to How To Be Happy, here is some information I found while doing some research and background for this piece.
Wiki HOW – HOW TO BE HAPPY: 9 STEPS
1. Be optimistic: In the 1970s, researchers followed people who'd won the lottery and found that a year after they'd hit the jackpot, they were no happier than the people who didn't. They called it hedonic adaptation, which suggests that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and we tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it's also largely influenced by how you think.
2. Follow your gut: In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick out a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision carefully, weighing the pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions. Now, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but by the time you're poring over your choice, the options you're weighing are probably very similar, and the difference will only temporarily affect your happiness. So next time you have a decision to make, and you're down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it. Never regret the decisions you make though. Just live by the 3 C's of life: choices chances, and changes. You need to make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.
3. Make enough money to meet your basic needs: (food, shelter, and clothing.) In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year. Any money you make beyond that will not necessarily make you happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.
4. Stay close to friends and family: Or move to where other members are- so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think increases in salary will make us happier, but the fact is that our relationships with our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you'd need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you'd have from moving away from your friends and family. But if your relationships with your family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and you are bent on moving, choose a location where you'll be making about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel more financially secure (and happier) when they're on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless of what that footing is.
5. Have deep, meaningful conversations: A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that spending less time participating in small talk and more time having deep, meaningful conversations can lead to an increased feeling of happiness.
6. Find happiness in the job you have now: Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain from your job. If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job, and if you have good relationships with people, you won't depend on your job to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You'll find it in your interactions with the people you care about. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire towards a job that will make you happier; it means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships with people.
7. Smile: Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated. So smile all the time! In addition, having enough money to pay the bills allows you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of your life, such as the pursuit of happiness as opposed to keeping the 'wolves from the door'.
8. Forgive: In a study of college students, it was found that an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say that forgiveness literally heals your heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress.
9. Make friends who share your interests or faith: In a 2010 study by Harvard researchers published in the journal American Sociological Review, it was discovered that people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn't. The critical factor was the quality of friendships made in church. People who went to church and didn't have any close friends there were no happier than people who never went to church. When the researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, the ones who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives. It's thought that the forming of friendships based on mutual interests and beliefs (and meeting consistently based on that mutual bond) is what makes the difference, so if church itself is not your thing, consider finding something else you're deeply passionate about and making friends who you can connect with regularly based on that.
This doesn’t mean that accepting responsibility for your own happiness will be easy or comfortable, at least not at first, but it does mean that if you accept responsibility you are saying that “you are worth it.” I think that is an amazing and crucial first step.
It’s in your hands! Go BE HAPPY!
Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!
