Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Fades, Trends and Style

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Fades, Trends and Style: Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks Fades, Trends and Style April 18, 2012 Yves Saint Laurent, and iconic French fashion designer once said...

Fades, Trends and Style

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

Fades, Trends and Style

April 18, 2012

Yves Saint Laurent, and iconic French fashion designer once said, "Fashions fade, style is eternal." If only so many of us could allow our lives to embody that sentiment.  If you want to get a good hearty belly laugh pull out some old photographs of yourself from an earlier period in your life.

If you’re in my age go find old pictures of yourself and your friends from 20 years ago. Browse through the pictures of you in college or go further back to your glorious high school years. Not only will you laugh till your stomach hurts but you’ll also mentally or emotionally go back to those days and those friendships. What I want you to take notice of is the clothing, the hairstyle, the color combinations perhaps even the furniture you see in the room. Now let me guess, you’re thinking to yourself, “That was the style back then…shoot I was the BOMB!” Umm yeah well you may have been the bomb but most bombs either blow up or are just plain duds.

What were we thinking wearing Cross Colour clothing? What were we thinking sporting the super-high top fades (ala Kid N Play mode)? What was I thinking wearing the Flavor Flav clock around my neck and actually going to class like that? And this one, which I still swear was a smooth look, what were we thinking rocking the Boyz 2 Men “Alexander Vanderpool motif”. Oh if you don’t know that would be the jean shorts, with the long sleeve button up shirt, tie and then the dress socks and shoes. Some would differentiate themselves at times by wearing the button down shirt, tie, but have either long overalls or overall shorts on top. Yeah we did that! It wasn’t just me though. I’m a snitch and so let me do what snitches do, DROP NAMES. It wasn’t just me at Kutztown University stylin’ with the Motown Philly look. The following gentlemen did it too: Rueben Noel Martin, Tom Nelson, Scott Richardson, Alvin aka Jersey, Leon “Bubba” Alexander, and others proudly coordinated our outfits before going down to the South Dining Hall for lunch.

I know there are some of you wondering what the heck is Jay Jay talking about this week. There are some female readers who are getting a big laugh at the expense of these memories but ladies be careful because there are also photographs of many of your from the 90’s and 80’s sporting “Fly Girl” haircuts long on one side angled on the other. Or some of you with those HUGE bamboo earrings so big they block the side of your face. Let’s not forget the spandex biker shorts many of you squeezed into and the Salt and Peppa dye jobs that were really popular.

But if we allow our lives to embody Yves Saint Laurent’s quote that “Fashion fades, style is eternal” we must admit our past faux paus and move on. More importantly we must come to grips with the fact that there may be times in our lives when we take the easy way out or through rather than stand for something that is lasting.

How many times have you abandoned your principles for convenience? How many times have you put your core values on the back burner for something temporary, be it a relationship, a job, a business deal, someone else’s boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? How many times have you forsaken yourself in exchange for what you said you believed? Those memories may not make you laugh and that stroll down memory lane may not be as pleasant as looking at old pictures of our younger days and fashion DON’TS but it may be a stroll some of us should take now and again just to remind us of who we are today and where we may have been. I’m not recommending you go back in the past and bring the pain forward, but I am recommending you let those mistakes, errors in judgment and wild periods in your past remind you of who you are.

No one is perfect. It is said was only one person who lived without sin. And if you subscribe to that story, you know what humanity did to that person.  He without sin will find life a lonely isolating place. Many people aren’t comfortable around someone they think is a “goodie-goodie.” They feel out of place around “holy rollers” and “little Miss Perfect” when they compare their own sorted history to the relatively lily white history of the do-gooder. This is not an open plea to bear your mistakes to others in hope they’ll like you but don’t forget where you’ve been. Sometimes looking at old pictures is just the catalyst to remind you that BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, you could still be that person you were in the picture. But by wisdom and maturity you could have been permanently derailed from your future by some of your mistakes. But by the intervention of someone else, your life could have turned out drastically different. And but by your willingness to let go of people, places and things that were not healthy or good for you, you may not be where you are, who you are and the way you are today.

 Let your truth be your style!

Fashions, trends, fads, movements come and go, but style is eternal. Let your style come through today. Let your “swag” speak for you today. Let the best you, the principled you, the confident you, the mature you, the “BEEN THERE DONE THAT GOT THE T-SHIRT, BUT AIN’T DOING THAT AGAIN” you be your public representative today.  And also go dig out some old pictures and have a GREAT laugh today.

Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: It's Your Responsibility!

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: It's Your Responsibility!: Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks It’s Your Responsibility! April 11, 2012 This week’s topic is one that should concern each and every in...

It's Your Responsibility!

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

It’s Your Responsibility!

April 11, 2012

This week’s topic is one that should concern each and every individual drawing breath on earth, whether they ever read this or not. Everyone is trying to find their way towards “HAPPINESS.” Some people will spend their entire life pursuing “happiness” and may never be successful in their pursuit. Others have experienced “happiness” but lost it somehow and don’t believe they’ll ever have it again. Still others believe that they don’t deserve to be “happy” therefore their current state of malaise and perpetual feeling of BLAH are accepted as being normal. Occasionally we encounter the person who just seems to find a reason, any reason, to be “happy”. This person may be the perky, “Good morning” co-worker, who always seems to have a smile on her face or a whistle on his lips as they walk past your office (or cubicle).

This week, a simple thought inspired this article. The thought has been circulating around in my head looking for an exit. That thought is, “EACH OF US IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS.” This thought may not be rocket science to many of you, but as I continued to think about the implications of this simple statement I realized that there is depth and width to this thing. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness, means I AM IN CHARGE OF MAKING ME HAPPY. Wow!

This means if I am in charge of making Jay Jay Speaks happy, then you are in charge of making YOU happy as well. Now I’m not talking about pursuing transient pleasure or the temporary release of endorphins but real genuine “happiness” with the life you have. I’ve said for years that each person “HAS TO FIGHT FOR THE LIFE THEY WANT.” I want to add to that quote and say each person, “MUST FIGHT FOR THEIR OWN HAPPINESS.”

Even though we live in a society where so many people want to bypass their obligations, many others neglect their duties and still others simple refuse to accept any responsibility for their behavior, actions and the consequences that result. We cannot give the responsibility for our “happiness” to anyone other than the person who lives in our skin. It’s simply futile to expect your parents, spouse, siblings, family, friends, roommate, classmates, lover, preacher, pastor, bishop, rabbi, co-workers, boss or neighbor to make YOU happy. The best we can expect is to be happy with the relationships we have and the contributions others make in our lives.  But it is not anyone else’s job to make little ole you or big ole me “happy!”

This revelation was huge to me. It was so simple but so important for me to digest and let it nourish me. This is an empowering statement but also one that carries with it a tremendous weight and responsibility. Being responsible for my own happiness means I need to make decisions that will contribute to me being happy. I have to choose an outlook in life that will make me happy. I have to accept the outcomes that result from those decisions or result from my outlook and still be happy. It’s a healthy selfishness I guess. Hmmmm…”HEALTHY SELFISHNESS” I THINK I LIKE THAT PHRASE.

If I accept that I am responsible for making me happy, then I need to research and investigate what is it that would really make me happy? Then I have to ask how to I attain, achieve or acquire the things that will truly make me happy? This may take some of you a while to really answer these questions and come up with a plan. I think I know what my answers are and I think it’s time to get to work. For those who may be looking for some additional direction as to How To Be Happy, here is some information I found while doing some research and background for this piece.

(Source information for 9 tips, http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy#_note-9)

Wiki HOW – HOW TO BE HAPPY: 9 STEPS

1.       Be optimistic:  In the 1970s, researchers followed people who'd won the lottery and found that a year after they'd hit the jackpot, they were no happier than the people who didn't. They called it hedonic adaptation, which suggests that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and we tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it's also largely influenced by how you think.

2.       Follow your gut: In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick out a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision carefully, weighing the pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions. Now, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but by the time you're poring over your choice, the options you're weighing are probably very similar, and the difference will only temporarily affect your happiness. So next time you have a decision to make, and you're down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it. Never regret the decisions you make though. Just live by the 3 C's of life: choices chances, and changes. You need to make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.

3.       Make enough money to meet your basic needs: (food, shelter, and clothing.) In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year. Any money you make beyond that will not necessarily make you happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.

4.       Stay close to friends and family: Or move to where other members are- so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think increases in salary will make us happier, but the fact is that our relationships with our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you'd need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you'd have from moving away from your friends and family. But if your relationships with your family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and you are bent on moving, choose a location where you'll be making about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel more financially secure (and happier) when they're on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless of what that footing is.

5.       Have deep, meaningful conversations: A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that spending less time participating in small talk and more time having deep, meaningful conversations can lead to an increased feeling of happiness.

6.       Find happiness in the job you have now: Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain from your job. If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job, and if you have good relationships with people, you won't depend on your job to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You'll find it in your interactions with the people you care about. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire towards a job that will make you happier; it means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships with people.

7.       Smile: Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated. So smile all the time! In addition, having enough money to pay the bills allows you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of your life, such as the pursuit of happiness as opposed to keeping the 'wolves from the door'.

8.       Forgive: In a study of college students, it was found that an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say that forgiveness literally heals your heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress.

9.       Make friends who share your interests or faith: In a 2010 study by Harvard researchers published in the journal American Sociological Review, it was discovered that people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn't. The critical factor was the quality of friendships made in church. People who went to church and didn't have any close friends there were no happier than people who never went to church. When the researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, the ones who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives.  It's thought that the forming of friendships based on mutual interests and beliefs (and meeting consistently based on that mutual bond) is what makes the difference, so if church itself is not your thing, consider finding something else you're deeply passionate about and making friends who you can connect with regularly based on that.

This doesn’t mean that accepting responsibility for your own happiness will be easy or comfortable, at least not at first, but it does mean that if you accept responsibility you are saying that “you are worth it.” I think that is an amazing and crucial first step.

It’s in your hands! Go BE HAPPY!

Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Enjoy the “Honeymoon”

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Enjoy the “Honeymoon”: Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks Enjoy the “Honeymoon” April 4, 2012 Last week in the Wednesday Wisdom, entitled, Before You Say “I Do” I...

Enjoy the “Honeymoon”

Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks

Enjoy the “Honeymoon”

April 4, 2012

Last week in the Wednesday Wisdom, entitled, Before You Say “I Do” I wrote about the importance of your first marriage. The first marriage being the commitment to love, honor, cherish yourself for richer & poorer, in sickness & in health from this day forward till death do you part.” I recommended that each person recite the traditional wedding vows filling their name in all the blank spaces as they recite the vows in the mirror. The point was that in order to truly make a lifelong commitment to another person, one should make a lifelong commitment not to forsake or betray oneself.

This week I want to take the concept a step further and talk about taking a “honeymoon” with yourself. This isn’t a narcissistic undertaking but one that is grounded in genuine, sincere and true love for yourself. Not the arrogant kind of love that says “I’m better than everyone else,” but the type of love that says I will be good to myself because I know who I am, I accept who I am and I love myself.

After conducting some research (however brief and non-annotated it may have been) thanks to Google and Wikipedia I was able to find a body of information regarding the history of the word and tradition of honeymoons. The condensed version goes something like this.

A “honeymoon” was a period of harmony immediately following the marriage celebration. Legends have claimed that honeymoons existed before the marriage ceremony came into being. The first recorded appearance came in 1546 but the ritual goes back much further. In the earliest days, the groom simply abducted the woman of his choice to be his bride and took her into hiding, sometimes with his groomsmen there to help him. This is where the term “swept off her feet” comes from – a blanket would often be thrown over the bride and she would be carried off on horseback.   This lasted as long as it took for the lady’s relatives to stop searching for her, which was about a month, as marked by the phases of the moon. Thus, the “moon” in honeymoon. The practice of kidnapping a bride dates back to Attila the Hun, AD 433-453.

When in hiding, the couple would share mead – a wine made of water and old honey. According to Pliny the Elder, it consisted of “one part of old honey” and “three parts of water”. The mixture was then left in the sun for forty days, though it was claimed that some left it to ferment for only nine days. Pliny went on to say “with age, it attains the flavor of wine”. As time passed, it was believed that if the couple drank mead daily during the honeymoon, they would be assured of the birth of sons. Thus, the mead provided the “honey” part of the term honeymoon.

For those more biblically oriented the earliest findings of what we would call a “honeymoon” can be found in Deuteronomy 24:5 (NIV) “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”

Our contemporary understanding and observation of a “honeymoon” is the romantic period immediately following a wedding ceremony, where the bride and groom go away from family and friends to spend time with one another to consummate their marriage and begin their new life together. Usually couples will select a tropical or exotic location such as Hawaii, Aruba, the Cayman Islands or perhaps a traditionally romantic place like Paris, France or Niagara Falls as the location for their “honeymoon.”

What I am suggesting is that once you’ve taken your WEDDING VOWS to yourself and in effect “married” yourself that you must also “honeymoon” with YOU! This isn’t an admonishment for the puritan “self –abuse” but an encouragement to GET AWAY FROM FOES, FRIENDS AND FAMILY to spend time WITH YOURSELF. Much like a newly married couple who can’t wait to get each other alone and ravish one another’s bodies in a carnal sense, you should spend time with you and really get to know yourself on a deeper and more intimate level. After all if you’ve just made a life-long commitment to love, cherish and respect yourself till death do you part, shouldn’t you know yourself inside and out? Aren’t you worth the tenderness, time and affection you’d shower upon your lover? How can you openly receive intimacy from someone else if you haven’t achieved authentic intimacy with yourself?

This may sound odd to some people. The concept of marrying yourself, taking a “honeymoon” with yourself may be too overwhelming and silly for the more sober and serious minded of you, but I contend that these are critical steps to self-actualization and realizing the power within you. Once you’ve committed to yourself and become intimate with your own past, thoughts, feelings, reasoning, strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities and capabilities you’ll be free enough to provide love to others in its three forms:

1)      Eros love – erotic or romantic love

2)      Philos love – love based on a friendship with another person

3)      Agape love- unconditional love, a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way.

Schedule your “HONEYMOON” today.

Don’t wait until Monday, do it today (Wednesday) on HUMP DAY!

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Before You Say "I DO"

Jay Jay's Thoughts Your Reactions: Before You Say "I DO": Wednesday Wisdom, by Jay Jay Speaks Before You Say “I DO” March 28, 2012   Spring fever is spreading like contagion across many parts of ...